ேநாரா ஸ்வீனி

India is a very challenging place for a solo woman traveler. Indian women almost never travel alone so foreign women traveling alone are both an oddity and a spectacle. This came as a shock to me at first because when I had traveled alone in the US and Europe, I found it to be refreshing and rewarding. After a year in India, I’ve learned to cope with the staring, the lack of women on the street, and the relentless parade of people who want something from me, be it money or simply to know where I’m from. I’ve figured out ways to make myself feel more comfortable, such as sticking close to women and families, staying on the move, keeping my wits about me, and maintaining my sense of humor. Occasionally, being alone works to my advantage. Last winter, I was walking along the beach in Cochin and I sat by a family and watched the water. The mother and the father kept looking over at me and smiling, so I came over and sat by them. They proceeded to feed me date cake and grapes and ask me all sorts of questions. The twenty-something year old son kept trying to get my phone number but his sisters just made fun of him, and thus I was more amused than threatened. However, despite moments like this I still always feel like I need to be on guard.

For my summer break, I knew I wanted to travel to Southeast Asia, but I didn’t have a traveling companion. After traveling alone in India, I was reluctant to do the same in Laos and Cambodia. I spent weeks agonizing over what I should do, thinking maybe I should try to find a traveling companion or go and visit one of the other Shansi fellows. In the end, I decided that I wanted to go where I wanted to go, even if I had to go alone. Fortunately, my trip to Cambodia and Laos turned out to be one of the most enjoyable and relaxing traveling experiences of my life. In fact, some of my favorite moments on the trip occurred precisely because I was traveling alone.

The day after I landed in Laos, I hopped onto a sawngthaew (a sort of shared taxi in the form of a pick-up truck) and headed off to Don Khon, an island in the middle of the Mekong River. Once I arrived on the island with some other travelers, it was evident that the pace was extremely slow. A series of bungalows lined the riverbank, and people were lying in hammocks on the porches of the bungalows. There was no electricity on the island, and the generators were only switched on from 6-10pm. I forgot to pack a flashlight and I was tired from the heat, so I went to sleep promptly at 10pm and got up and 6am.

When I woke up, I decided to rent a bike and explore the island while it was still cool outside. I biked to a waterfall and sat for a while listening to the rush of the falls. Then, as I was biking back to the main road, I saw a sign that said "Cool off with a lemon mint shake at Mama's restaurant." Sometimes advertising really works. I turned toward the restaurant right away. I think it was about 7:30am. I was definitely the first customer. The restaurant was owned by a family who had simply put some chairs and tables in front of their house for customers. The man came out and took my order. It looked like he and his wife were sort of scrambling around to find the right ingredients. Then, the woman brought me the shake. I tried it and it wasn't quite sweet enough. I asked the man for some sugar. He brought me a sugar jar from one of the other table and gave it to me, then quickly took it away because it was full of ants. Then, the woman brought me the bag of sugar from her kitchen and I doctored up my shake.

Instead of going back to the house, the woman sat across from me and started talking. First she asked me the usual questions - where was I from, how long I had been in Laos etc. Then I told her that I lived in India and we started talking about the differences between Lao and Indian marriages. She asked me if I was traveling alone and when I said yes she said, "that's good." She talked about how she liked going to the nearby city by herself and she complained about how her husband talked too much. She spoke English pretty well. She said that she'd lived on the island all her life. For some reason I then asked her how people give birth on the island. I wanted to know if there was there a doctor or a midwife. She said that she'd given birth to seven children and all her births were easy because she stayed active - always working in the kitchen instead of lying down. I was very intrigued by this woman. It occurred to me that she might not have sat and talked to me if had not been by myself. All of a sudden, I heard the sound of a television and I asked, "Do you have a TV running off of your generator?" She said, "Yes. It is so beautiful. Do you want to see?" I thought for a second and then I said sure.

The next thing I knew, I was watching a Thai historical drama on cable TV with this woman and her whole family at 8am. The woman kept filling me in on the plot. Her daughters sat with their own kids in front of me, all enthralled by the glowing screen. It’s amazing how important TV is, even in some of the most isolated places. I was so amazed by the whole moment that I asked the woman if I could take some pictures of everyone watching TV. She nodded, and I managed to get a great snap of the whole family glued to the screen. Despite the bizarreness of the situation I felt completely welcomed into this family’s home.

Later on in the day, I took a nice walk near the river, completely alone. I didn't see a soul for two hours. The clear water was full of beautiful rocks and there were majestic green hills in the distance. In India, there are people everywhere, so quiet moments like this are rare. I savored my solitude and thought about my early morning adventures. Being alone was refreshing once again.